Funny Jokes About Hands
- How many bones do you think a human hand would have? Umm, a handful maybe?
- What are the best names for your right-hand watchdogs? Rolex or Timex.
- What did the cop say to a hand? You are under a-wrist.
- What is the rudest thing to say to someone who has lost their fingers? We are crossing fingers for you.
- What tree can fit in one’s hand? A palm tree.
- What would a Pope use to dry his hands? A papal towel.
- What would you call a vocalist singing with a hand shower? A Faucetto.
- Which is the best hand to write with? Neither. One should always write with a pen.
- Why can’t people with no hands tell what’s wrong with a picture? They cannot quite put their finger on it.
- Why can everyone clap with their hands except T-rex? Because they are extinct.
- Why don’t you give any credit to the elbow for bending the arm? Because it’s a joint effort.
- Why do the fingers refuse to agree with the thumbs? This is because the thumbs can be opposable.
- Why do you think fingers are always a reliable body part? No matter what, you can always count on them.
- Why is dry beef’s handwriting very bad? Because it’s very jerky.
New And Hilarious Hand Puns

- A friend and I were doing laundry and she asked for a hand to dry the clothes. I said, “I would but my hands are TIDE”.
- A friend of mine met with a bike accident and broke his left hand. Oh, don’t worry he’s all right now!
- After coming home from grocery shopping with my mom, I was trying to unlatch the door with one hand and asked my mother, “How do one-armed mothers do it?” she replied, “Single-handedly”.
- I caught a bee in my hand and started shouting beauty looking at my friend. Little did she know, ‘beauty lies in the hand of bee holder”.
- I got my arm transplant done at a great money price yesterday. It sure was discounted at the second-hand store.
- I recently got a prosthetic hand and working at the poker table would be a challenge but I think I can deal with it.
- I wanted to look cool at my friend’s dance class so I said anyone can do a handstand. When the teacher asked me to do it I asked my friend to place his hand on the floor and I merely just stood on it.
- I was at the buffet line in a restaurant and as I asked what’s special for today, a lady handed her baby to me. I smiled and said, “no thank you, I am a pure vegetarian”. She was shocked I guess.
- I was so great with political science that I knew it on the back of my hand. But now it is difficult to know my left from my right.
- My father just won three hands in poker. He said, “Some people really gamble anything to keep playing.”
- My father slipped in the bathroom today and ask my mother for a hand. She started clapping and we all burst into laughter.
- My grandfather was a soldier who lost all the feeling in his fingers after the war. I believe he’s out of touch.
- My mom was angry with my brother and she slapped him with a handful of coins on his face. I am sure this time she slapped some cents into him.
- My sister broke her fingers after an accident. When the doctor came in and asked her a question about how she was feeling now, she said, “With my elbows mostly”.
- My sister fractured two fingers on her left-hand today. But on the other hand, everything is fine.
- Yesterday a thief stole all the hand-sanitizers from the grocers. He sure made a clean getaway after all.
Short But Fun Filled Hand One Liners

- A guy I know has got a prosthetic arm. It is quite handy.
- I’ve washed my hands so much that now are greeting me. It surely is because of my hi gene.
- I auditioned for a carpenter’s hand and nailed it.
- I don’t like it when my friend has a hand sanitizer and I don’t. He’s always rubbing it in.
- If one ever cuts out their left hand, their right hand will be left.
- Is it a fair deal to get married? On one hand, they would wear a ring, but on the other, they wouldn’t.
- I think a palm tree is just a tree made out of hands.
- I went to my doctor and told him that I broke my arm in two places. He advised me to stop going to those places.
- Never take out the bread earlier from the toaster. You’ll burn your hand and it’ll be quite toasty.
- I was trekking through the forest, when I was astonished to see a deer attack a bear . I exclaimed, “Oh deer, he’s gonna fight you with his bear hands!”
- One arm told a joke to the other arm. I am sure the other arm found it very humerus.
- People really gotta hand it to the short people. They can’t reach it on their own.
- The man who invented the wrist-watch probably had too much time on his hands.
- When I got some fruit preserves on my finger, the doctor said they were jammed. He was kind of funny.
hand jokes

- How do you wash your hands at Christmas? With hand Santatizer!
- What has 5 fingers but isn’t your hand? My hand!
- What has 6 legs, 6 eyes and 6 hands? 6 pirates!
- What’s the best way to hold a bat? By the handle!
- How did the hipster burn his hand? He changed the lightbulb before it was cool!
- I sprained my thumb today On the other hand, I’m doing ok!
- What’s so nice about the skeleton? He always lends a hand!
- What’s worse than having a big nose? Having a big nose and tiny hands!
- What’s the difference between a bison and a buffalo? You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo!
- What type of tree fits snugly in your hand? A palm tree!
- If you had 4 apples and 5 oranges in one hand and 6 apples and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Very large hands!
- I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both left-ies One the one hand, it’s great. On the other, it’s not!
- A thief was arrested for stealing loaves of sourdough… They were caught bread handed!
- What do you say when you hand someone an avocado? Havacado!
- How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod? With your BEAR hands!
- I found a good bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands dirty from mixing it…
- The bread was kneadless, to say!
- What do you call someone who can eat candy corn with both hands? Ambidextrose!
- Why can’t the T-rex clap its hands? Because it’s extinct!
- Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?The second hand shop!
Funny Hand Jokes

- My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one armed mothers do it?” I replied, “Single-handedly.”
- Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better.
- I broke my finger today. On the other hand I am okay.
- 6:30 is my favorite time. Hands down.
- If anyone is thinking of getting married soon, please consider this carefully… On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
- I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl. It’s 14.
- Captain Hook is single-handedly my favorite Disney villain.
- Whoever figured out the ‘days of the month correspond with your knuckles’ thing had too much time on their hands.
- How many bones are in your hand? A handful.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
- My doctor was struggling to write my prescription when I said, “Doctor, that’s a rectal thermometer in your hand!”
- He replied, “Darn it! Someone’s got my pen!”
- Why can’t T-Rexes clap their hands? Because they’re extinct.
- What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, grandpa! No hands!
- I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl.
- And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.
- What hand do you wipe your bum with? My right hand. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW! I use toilet paper.
- Said hello to a guy with really small hands. What a microwave.
- My nails are getting too long. They’re growing out of hand.
- I once grabbed a slippery soap. It got out of hand pretty quickly.
- What has 5 fingers, but isn’t your hand? My hand.
- I’ve been teaching myself to juggle clocks.
- I guess I have too much time on my hands.
- What is Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAND EEEEEEEEYE!
- You’ve really gotta hand it to short people.
- Because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
- If I have 6 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other hand, what do I have? Really big hands.
- I cut my hand opening a bottle of sparkling wine.
- I guess every rosé has its thorn!
- What would the world be like without left-handed people? Eh, it would be all right.
- If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!
- I did everything with my left hand for a day. It didn’t feel right.
- Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day. Husband: Well next time take the car then, silly.
- I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’.
- Which, on the one hand is great, but on the other it’s just not right.
- Who else wants to see a puppet show, minus the puppets? Let’s see a show of hands.
- It was so cold in D.C. today…
- That I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
- What do you call a tree you can hold in your hand? A palm tree.
- If the world’s human population joined hands around the equator…
- A significant portion of them would drown.
- Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
- I went to the restroom in a restaurant and saw a sign that said, “Employees must wash hands”.
- I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.
- Boyfriend: I’ve come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage. Dad: You’ve got to take all of her or it’s no deal.
- Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.
- I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.
- I couldn’t care less about what vegans eat.
- Cannibals on the other hand…
- WHERE’S MY OTHER HAND?
- What did the cop say to a hand? You are under a-wrist.
- What does the Pope use to dry his hands? A papal towel.
- Why are hands the most reliable parts of the body? Because you can always count on them.