110+ Tree Puns & Jokes

Tree Puns

  • What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch.

  • How do trees get online?

They just log in.

  • How do you properly identify a dogwood tree?

By the bark!

  • What did the single tree say to the tree who stood her up?

You should have put a ring on it.

A palm tree.

  • What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?

Timber.

  • Why did the tree need to take a nap?

For rest.

  • Why was the weeping willow so sad?

It watched a sappy movie.

  • Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party?

Because they never leaf when you want them to.

  • Why couldn’t the evergreen ever land a date?

It was so busy pining after unavailable trees that it never really branched out.

  • How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?

It shrubs.

  • Why was the tree stumped?

It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.

  • How do you know when a tree has had too much to drink?

It won’t stop trunk texting their ax.

  • What is a pine tree’s favorite radio station?

Anything that plays the poplar hits.

  • How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?

They spruce themselves up.

  • Where do saplings go to learn?

Elementree school.

Tree Puns & Jokes
  • Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?

It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.

  • What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?

Tell it acorn-y joke.

  • How did the tree get lost?

It took the wrong root.

  • Why did the Chesnut tree feel left out?

It never got in on the oak.

  • What is a tree’s least favorite month?
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Sep-timber!

  • What is a tree’s favorite school subject?

Geometry.

  • How did the elm tree know the fig tree wasn’t looking for anything serious?

It asked for no twigs attached.

  • What is a pine tree’s favorite singer?

Spruce Springsteen.

Tree-Related Phrases

Tree Puns & Jokes
  1. Bark is worse than its bite
  2. Barking up the wrong tree
  3. See the forest for the trees
  4. The root of the problem
  5. Grease one’s palm
  6. Go out on a limb
  7. Branch out
  8. Grass roots movement
  9. Log off / log on
  10. Don’t take any wooden nickels
  11. Little strokes fell great oaks
  12. Must have learned to whisper in a sawmill
  13. Knock on wood
  14. Touch wood
  15. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
  16. Make like a tree and leave
  17. Mighty oaks from little acorns grow
  18. Put on the wooden overcoat
  19. Shiver me timbers
  20. An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
  21. Bust in the chops
  22. By your leave
  23. Don’t be a stick in the mud
  24. Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself
  25. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
  26. Dumb as a stump
  27. Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn sometimes
  28. Had me stumped
  29. Have an axe to grind
  30. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
  31. In limbo
  32. In the sticks
  33. Let’s tie the knot
  34. Money doesn’t grow on trees
  35. More cliches than you can shake a stick at
  36. Old chestnut
  37. Sleep like a log
  38. Take a leaf out of your book
  39. Turn over a new leaf
  40. Take it or leave it
  41. The short end of the stick
  42. This neck of the woods
  43. Beat the bushes
  44. Beat around the bush
  45. Walk the plank

Funny Tree Puns

110 tree puns jokes 4
  • I tried to look up my family tree

But I ended up stumped!

  • In Ireland,

Good things come in trees

  • I named all my kids after trees
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Because they are the root of all my problems

  • I’m so bad at gardening

Even my trees don’t root for me

  • I tried root beer for the first time today

But now, my trees are drunk!

  • Even though trees don’t celebrate Valentines Day

They are still very sappy

  • My partner must think that I’m a tree

Because they are leaf-ing me

  • I panicked when I saw all the leaves falling off the trees during fall

But luckily, they all grew back. What a re-leaf!

  • Why can’t arborists go into any banks?

Because they all hate branches

  • My uncle cut off his finger while trimming his trees, but can’t remember how it happened

He tried his best to remember, but ended up stumped

  • I have so many nieces and nephews

My family tree has more branches than Walmart!

  • I was convinced to pay over the odds for a beautiful bonsai tree today

What a sap!

  • Why do all the other trees avoid the acorn tree?

Because, it’s nuts!

  • I loved Groot in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies

But his performance was a bit wooden

  • Today, I finally realised why it’s called “Root Beer”

Because it tastes like dirt!

  • Why do trees not have any social media accounts?

Because they are all too scared to log in!

  • What is every tree’s favourite style of shoe?

Clogs

  • I’ve had an awful lot of friend requests from trees lately

They must be branching out

  • How do you know that a tree is single?

It’s a palm tree

  • How do you know that a tree is starting to get desperate?

It keeps texting it’s axe

  • I got bit by a mosquito today while tree climbing
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Don’t worry though, the bark was worse than it’s bite!

  • I saw a bunch of trees floating down the river today

You could say, they were swimming trunks

  • Trees are always giving me shade

I’m pretty sure I heard the last one call me fat!

  • What is every tree’s favourite brand of shoe?

Timberland

  • Why do trees always take naps?

Because they live forest

  • Why do Christmas trees not have lots of friends?

Because a lot of people are scared of needles!

  • What is the world’s smallest tree?

A palm tree

  • What is the first thing people usually say when they see beavers gnawing wood?

Dam!

Tree Puns & Jokes
  • What is every tree’s least favourite brand of deodorant?

Axe

  • What is it called when trees grow from other trees?

Maternity leaf!

  • I found out today that the trees in my garden have huge roots

So I bought them some hair dye

  • All my biggest fans are trees

They are always rooting for me!

  • Why can’t any trees get married?

Because they all already have rings on them

  • Did you hear about the world’s most beautiful tree?

It has a great fig-ure!

  • What type of tree’s need the most tissues?

A weeping willow!

  • What type of tree has the best tan?

A beech tree

  • What is the quickest and best way to describe conkers?

In a nutshell!

  • Why was the dogtree sad?

Because it lost its bark

  • Why couldn’t the lumberjacks go swimming?

Because they forgot their trunks!

  • Why was the tree in shock?

Because it heard the birds and the bees