- What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
- How do trees get online?
They just log in.
- How do you properly identify a dogwood tree?
By the bark!
- What did the single tree say to the tree who stood her up?
You should have put a ring on it.
- What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
- What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?
- Why did the tree need to take a nap?
- Why was the weeping willow so sad?
It watched a sappy movie.
- Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party?
Because they never leaf when you want them to.
- Why couldn’t the evergreen ever land a date?
It was so busy pining after unavailable trees that it never really branched out.
- How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?
- Why was the tree stumped?
It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.
- How do you know when a tree has had too much to drink?
It won’t stop trunk texting their ax.
- What is a pine tree’s favorite radio station?
Anything that plays the poplar hits.
- How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?
They spruce themselves up.
- Where do saplings go to learn?
- Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?
It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.
- What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?
Tell it acorn-y joke.
- How did the tree get lost?
It took the wrong root.
- Why did the Chesnut tree feel left out?
It never got in on the oak.
- What is a tree’s least favorite month?
- What is a tree’s favorite school subject?
- How did the elm tree know the fig tree wasn’t looking for anything serious?
It asked for no twigs attached.
- What is a pine tree’s favorite singer?
- Bark is worse than its bite
- Barking up the wrong tree
- See the forest for the trees
- The root of the problem
- Grease one’s palm
- Go out on a limb
- Branch out
- Grass roots movement
- Log off / log on
- Don’t take any wooden nickels
- Little strokes fell great oaks
- Must have learned to whisper in a sawmill
- Knock on wood
- Touch wood
- A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
- Make like a tree and leave
- Mighty oaks from little acorns grow
- Put on the wooden overcoat
- Shiver me timbers
- An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
- Bust in the chops
- By your leave
- Don’t be a stick in the mud
- Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself
- Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
- Dumb as a stump
- Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn sometimes
- Had me stumped
- Have an axe to grind
- How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
- In limbo
- In the sticks
- Let’s tie the knot
- Money doesn’t grow on trees
- More cliches than you can shake a stick at
- Old chestnut
- Sleep like a log
- Take a leaf out of your book
- Turn over a new leaf
- Take it or leave it
- The short end of the stick
- This neck of the woods
- Beat the bushes
- Beat around the bush
- Walk the plank
Funny Tree Puns
- I tried to look up my family tree
But I ended up stumped!
- In Ireland,
Good things come in trees
- I named all my kids after trees
Because they are the root of all my problems
- I’m so bad at gardening
Even my trees don’t root for me
- I tried root beer for the first time today
But now, my trees are drunk!
- Even though trees don’t celebrate Valentines Day
They are still very sappy
- My partner must think that I’m a tree
Because they are leaf-ing me
- I panicked when I saw all the leaves falling off the trees during fall
But luckily, they all grew back. What a re-leaf!
- Why can’t arborists go into any banks?
Because they all hate branches
- My uncle cut off his finger while trimming his trees, but can’t remember how it happened
He tried his best to remember, but ended up stumped
- I have so many nieces and nephews
My family tree has more branches than Walmart!
- I was convinced to pay over the odds for a beautiful bonsai tree today
What a sap!
- Why do all the other trees avoid the acorn tree?
Because, it’s nuts!
- I loved Groot in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies
But his performance was a bit wooden
- Today, I finally realised why it’s called “Root Beer”
Because it tastes like dirt!
- Why do trees not have any social media accounts?
Because they are all too scared to log in!
- What is every tree’s favourite style of shoe?
- I’ve had an awful lot of friend requests from trees lately
They must be branching out
- How do you know that a tree is single?
It’s a palm tree
- How do you know that a tree is starting to get desperate?
It keeps texting it’s axe
- I got bit by a mosquito today while tree climbing
Don’t worry though, the bark was worse than it’s bite!
- I saw a bunch of trees floating down the river today
You could say, they were swimming trunks
- Trees are always giving me shade
I’m pretty sure I heard the last one call me fat!
- What is every tree’s favourite brand of shoe?
- Why do trees always take naps?
Because they live forest
- Why do Christmas trees not have lots of friends?
Because a lot of people are scared of needles!
- What is the world’s smallest tree?
A palm tree
- What is the first thing people usually say when they see beavers gnawing wood?
- What is every tree’s least favourite brand of deodorant?
- What is it called when trees grow from other trees?
- I found out today that the trees in my garden have huge roots
So I bought them some hair dye
- All my biggest fans are trees
They are always rooting for me!
- Why can’t any trees get married?
Because they all already have rings on them
- Did you hear about the world’s most beautiful tree?
It has a great fig-ure!
- What type of tree’s need the most tissues?
A weeping willow!
- What type of tree has the best tan?
A beech tree
- What is the quickest and best way to describe conkers?
In a nutshell!
- Why was the dogtree sad?
Because it lost its bark
- Why couldn’t the lumberjacks go swimming?
Because they forgot their trunks!
- Why was the tree in shock?
Because it heard the birds and the bees