Car Jokes
- What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
- When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
- What kind of car does yoda drive?
A toyoda
- What kind of cars do cooks drive?
Chef-rolets.
- Who can drive all their customers away and still make money?
Taxi drivers.
- What kind of car does a snake drive?
An Ana-Honda.
- Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
The Old Volks home.
- How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
- What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
- What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
- What snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.
- A man drove his expensive car into a tree…
And found out how the Mercedes bends
- What kind of car does a dog hate?
CorVETS.
- I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt.
Then it clicked.
- My relationship with my chauffeur just isn’t going anywhere.
It feels like he’s always trying to drive me away.
- When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed.
The accident was a Fender bender.
- What do you call a Norwegian prostitute?
A Fjord Escort.
- What kind of petrol does Vin use?
Diesel.
- I ran my Subi into a lake.
Now it’s a Scubaru.
- Why can’t motorcycles hold themselves up?
Because they are two-tired.
- What’s the difference between BMWs and Porcupines?
Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.
- What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
Hop in.
- What part of the car is the laziest?
The wheels, because they are always tired.
- What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Want to go for a spin.
- Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?
He wanted to bust a move.
- What do you call a used car salesman?
A car-deal-ologist.
- Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.
- What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?
Carpet.
- Why are pigs bad drivers?
They hog the road!
- What do you get when you cross a Mustang and an elephant?
A convertible with a big trunk.
- Where do dogs park their cars?
In the barking lot.
- What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?
Crashed potatoes.
- What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Brake-fast.
- What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
- Why do chicken coops have only two doors?
If they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad!
- My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
- A man who runs behind a car will get exhausted.
But man who runs in front of a car will get tired.
Car Puns
1. How do cars greet each other?
‘Long time, no Seat!’
2. Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
3. Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
4. What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
5. How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
6. How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
7. Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
8. How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
9. What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
10. Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
11. What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
12. Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
13. What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
14. How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
15. What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
16. How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
17. What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
18. Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
19. What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
20. What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
21. What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
22. What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
23. Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
24. What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
25. What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
26. How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
27. Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
28. Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
29. What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
30. What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
31. What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
32. How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
33. Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
34. Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
35. What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
40. What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
41. What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
42. How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
43. What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
44. How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
45. Where do cars drink?
The Saloon bar.
46. What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
47. What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
48. What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
50. How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
52. How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
53. Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
54. What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
56. What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
57. What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
58. What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
59. What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
60. What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
61. What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
62. What martial arts does a car do?
Car-ate.