120+ Train Puns & Jokes

Puns Using The Word Train

1. It turns out that the truth was hidden in train sight.
2. There are locomotive olympics for which you have to train really hard.
3. A train can only think about one thing at a time, it has a one track mind.
4. An express train is just a press train that has lost its job.
5. When a train is tired, it is called a slowcomotive.
6. You know what they say, a train is only as strong as its weakest link!
7. When our journey was cancelled, all our plans went down the train.
8. The driver has never missed a single day of work, he’s always there, come train or shine.

Railway Puns

1. Driving trains is harder than it steams!
2. In case of emergency, you just have to keep calm and carriage on.
3. Let’s go for a train ride, it’s a freight day for it!
4. Another train ride? You’re just asking for travel!
5. The best time to buy trains is at the end of line sale.
6. If you’re a hunter, you’ve got to make sure you’re not following train tracks!

Train Driver Puns

1. Train drivers are really scary when they get angry; you’ve got to be careful not to yank their train.
2. The train driver loves attention – he loves knowing he’s the train event at the party.
3. When he’s stressed, the train driver always bites his rails.
4. The train driver is a cunning man, he’s always got a track up his sleeve.
5. The train driver’s day starts early: he gets up at the track of dawn.
6. The driver is a resilient guy; he always gets track on his feet.
7. To drive trains, you have to know every track in the book.
8. Being a train driver is a difficult job: you have to keep track of every detail.
9. Train drivers are great criminals, they know how to cover their tracks.
10. Everyone is in love with the train driver, he is very at-track-tive.
11. No one drinks faster than a train driver: he keeps chugging!
12. Even a train driver needs a brake once in a while, to let off some steam.
13. The train driver has too much work; he bit off more than he can chew chew.
14. Locomotive drivers love sudokus and crosswords, they’re great train teasers.
15. The locomotive driver can never get into trouble: he has a get out of rail free card.
16. You’ll never catch a train driver apologising: sorry steams to be the hardest word.
17. The locomotive driver is a great person to work with; he’s always happy to take one for the steam.
18. The train driver got promoted: it really was a tram-endous opportunity.
19. The train driver got married to his partner: they are united in holy matramony.
20. Of course the train driver believes in love at first sight: it’s freight!
21. The train driver’s mailbox is always full: he gets lots of freight mail.
22. Be careful with train drivers, they can go off the rails at anytime!
23. Train drivers are known for their engine-uity!
24. You won’t find anyone more focused than a train driver: they have tunnel vision.
25. If you make the train driver angry, he’ll tell you to car-go away!
26. I wanted to ask the train driver a question, but in the end I was too afreight to ask.
27. It’s hard to keep a freight face when the train driver tells funny puns.

More Train Puns

1. How do locomotives hear? Through their engineers.
2. It’s hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor. They have complete tunnel vision.
3. How does a train avoid detection? It covers its tracks.
4. I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. He told me it was hard to keep track.
5. Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween? They’re running with a skeleton service.
6. It’s a freight day to go for a ride on a train.
7. If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.
8. The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. He was there come train or shine.
9. You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.
10. The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought. Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.
11. Did you know that train conductors make great thieves? They’re really good at covering their tracks.
12. I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.
13. It’s always great working with a train conductor. They’re always ready to take one for the steam.
14. What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers? A chew chew train.
15. Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry. Make sure you don’t yank their train!
16. Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor. They’re quite at-track-tive.
17. There’s a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little. I guess he’s just really into one-liners.
18. Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam.
19. A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.
20. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. It’s a slowcomotive.
21. Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity.
22. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work.
23. I’ve always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. I guess that’s why I like monorails so much!
24. Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks. Every detail needs to be kept track of.
25. The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face.
26. Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains.
27. I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. You have a locomotive.
28. Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad? He couldn’t coordinate the skeleton service.
29. The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion. It was a tram-endous opportunity.
30. The conductor was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.
31. We ended up canceling our trip because all of our plans went down the train.
32. Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning.
33. Train conductors are known for their drinking. They can just keep chugging.
34. Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. (That’s it. That’s the joke.)
35. Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.
36. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting sidetracked.

37. What do you call a sick locomotive? A train with a coal-d.
38. How do you make the locomotive Olympics? Train really hard.
39. The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.
40. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. Right at the track of dawn.
41. Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams.
42. The train company had safety issues for years but was always able to cover its tracks.
43. When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on.
44. The conductor’s mailbox is always stuffed with letters. He receives plenty of freight mail.
45. What did the mother steam engine say to her baby to get her to eat? “Here comes the choo choo train!”
46. How do you find a missing train? Hire a detective to follow the tracks.
47. What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? Achoo choo train.
48. Railroad workers aren’t what they used to be. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.
49. I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. The ex-press train.
50. Why can’t train engineers get electrocuted? They’re not the conductor.
51. No matter where you are, you’ll never see happy railroad tracks. Too many people have crossed them.
52. What’s one easy way to tell if a train just passed? It leaves tracks.
53. No one would ever find out how hard he trained because he never got a platform to share it.
54. A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. They all have one-track minds.
55. I went to a throwback party at the train station. Everyone had on platforms.
56. Did you hear about the man who took the 6 o’clock train home? The police made him give it back.
57. I swear train conductors never get in trouble. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.
58. I always like chewing gum on the train. Unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo.
59. I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by, but I was too afreight to ask.
60. The troll that lives under my local railway bridge really is my arch enemy.
61. I like to share a train pun or one-liner. I’ve always been driven by the joy of monorails.

62. I tried to get a job as a railway conductor, but they didn’t think I had enough training.
63. When the train engineer decided he wanted to run for office, he put the development of brailways for the blind as his main priority.
64. The conductor was right in the middle of his presentation when he lost his train of thought. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room.
65. No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it.
66. The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks.
67. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity.
68. What sort of car does a crazy person drive? A locomotive.
69. The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.
70. Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning!
71. Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors…
72. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting side tracked.
73. My buddy made the grand final of the national model train competition. Unfortunately, he lost on points.
74. What’s another name for a freight train that’s transporting gum? A chew-chew train.
75. It was exhausting to listen to the conductor’s argument because she had a one-track mind. It was enough to drive you loco.
76. Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams!
77. The train conductor was a very sneaky woman, she always had a track or two up her sleeve.