The Best Axe Puns And Jokes
- Don’t be a pain in the axe!
- I love your random axes of kindness!
- I have a scar from an axe on my finger. It was an axident.
- Where does a lumberjack buy his axes? At the “Chopping Maul.”
- My friend got arrested for saying he was an axe murderer. Turns out he’s just a really bad guitarist.
- I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk, I have this weird axe-scent!
- I spent two hours looking for my axe. And then it hit me!
- In court, an axe murderer said to the judge: “I am innocent. It was only an axident!”
- In the middle of the battle, the soldier pulled his comrade aside and said: “Just take a few minutes to rel-axe! I don’t want you to get a splitting headache!”
- I axe myself whether it is really necessary to chop down that tree in my garden.
- During a biology lesson, the teacher asks her student, “What separates your head from your body? The student innocently answers, “The axe!”.
- It ‘s difficult to understand what these lumberjacks are trying to say because they speak with a thick axe-cent.
- Did you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job? They gave him the axe, he just couldn’t hack it.
- Axe a silly question and you’ll get a silly answer!
- I came home to find an axe buried in my PC. I think it has been hacked!
- I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
- “Son, where did you learn to use an axe like that?”.”In the Sahara Forest”. “Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”. “Well sir, that’s what they call it now!”.
- What do you call a car crash with a lumberjack? An axident.
- Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart? Because it has multiple axes.
- I killed a dentist with an axe but only got charged with manslaughter. My lawyer said it was an axe-a-dental death.
- I was disappointed when it turned out the axe I bought to climb with was useless for the job. It was an anti-climb axe.
- I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington. My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it’s Washington’s axe.
- How axeciting!
- Great axepectations.
- Why did the chicken put the egg on an axe? To hatchet.
- Sorry mate, I broke your axe head. Hope you can handle it.
- I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed. It wasn’t very cleaver.
- I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell. I love foreign axe scents.
- I always like bragging about the very small hatchet I own. I’ve done some research on it and as it turns out, it’s from the 1850’s and was used in some rich guy’s home to chop up citrus fruits for desserts and cakes. My wife thinks it’s boring, she says “it’s just an antique lime axe”.
- A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all join a tournament. They are allowed to bring any weapon they choose, and the only rule is that the first person to draw blood wins. The brunette walks in with a badass double-edged axe, the redhead walks in with a huge longsword, and the blonde shows up with a red marker.
- I must axe you a question.
- What would a lumberjack do with an egg? They would hatchet.
- Only two things in life are certain: death and axes. The former usually follows the latter.
- Two axes were arguing for ages and finally one said to the other: “I think it’s time we bury the hatchet!”.
- The lumberjack who was constantly late for work said to his boss: “Don’t axe me, I don’t know how to handle this!”.
- Let me axe you a question. It’s about your neck…
- Let’s kick axe!
- How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant? He always misses her!
- What did one deodorant say to the other? I can’t understand you, your axe scent is too strong.
- Little Johnny’s teacher asks: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny replies: “Because George was the one holding the axe?”.
- I donated a golden axe to the lumberjack society the other day. I’m just a sucker for a random axe of kindness.
- I’ve heard that people in my town have been throwing axes at trees in the middle of the night. There doesn’t seem to be any reason for it, it seems like they are just random axe of violence.
- Wow, what an axecellent throw!
- Please don’t axe me to help, I have no idea how to handle this situation.
- I got struck by a golden axe. Au!
- Axe Body Spray have decided to make a new scent called “English.” That way when you wear it, you can say that you have an English Axe scent.
- The lumberjack didn’t know what to do when his axe broke. He was really stumped.
- Finally, the lumberjack has recovered from his injury. He’s back in axe-tion.
- The biggest difference between a lumberjack and any other profession is that if you’re a lumberjack you’re at risk of getting axed at any point.
- The man failed at being a standup comedian, but when he retrained, he really excelled in his career as a lumberjack. I wasn’t surprised, he was a total hack.
- I used to watch the best TV show about lumberjacks. I was sad when it got axed.
- Three-dimensional tools are so much better than anything else for chopping down trees. It’s because they all have three axes.
- What food is an axe murderer’s favorite aphrodisiac? Chopped dates!
- Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters! One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools. A little weird, sure, but it’s always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.
- What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe!
- A guy sprayed so much body spray, causing a few people to suffocate. He was registered as an axe murderer.
- An axe walks into a forest and the trees say: “At least the handle is one of us!”.
1. Do you know what do trees and people have in common? Both of them always fall down when being hit many times with a shape axe.
2. A man climbs on the tree with his axe. He drops the axe on another man below and says “Oh I am really sorry for that, it is just an axe – cident!”
3. I still remember the last words that my grandpa talked to me before she passed away last night “Hey John, what are you doing with your axe?”
4. I have been spending 3 last hours just looking for my axe. And then it suddenly hits me!
5. My best friend is arrested by the police because he says that he used to be an axe murder. However, it turns out that he is just a terrible guitarist.
6. Stevens is going to have a date with his new girlfriend this night, so he borrows me my shaving foam, hair gel, and … my Axe.
7. Do you hear about the lumberjack who loses his job today? His manager just gives him the axe!
8. It is not simple to understand what these lumberjacks are trying to say because they speak with a thick axe – cent.
9. Do you know why three-dimensional items or tools are so good at chopping or cutting down trees? It is simply because they all have 3 axes.
10. I find it very difficult to understand my new Australian friend, who always puts on a lot of deodorants. Perhaps it is because has a too strong Axe scent.
11. The most obvious difference between a lumberjack and other professions is that the lumberjack will get the axe after being hired.
12. In the court, what would an axe murderer say to the judge? I am innocent. It was only an axe – ident.
13. There are only 2 things are certain in life: axes and death. The latter is often followed by the former.
14. During an important battle in the ancient time, a soldier talked to his comrade “Just take a few minutes to rel – axe! I do not want to give you a splitting headache!”
15. For many people, throwing axes at animals or plants can be a random axe of violence.
16. Do you know why the man failed as a standup comedian, but later became a prolific axe murderer? Because he was a total hack.
17. When someone axes you a dumb question, just give them the axe!
19. The axe says to the wood “I need to axe you a question”. The wood then replies to the axe “Wood you cut it out?
20. The new ruler of our kingdom is brutal and savage: He wants to exe-terminate the old forest with his axe.
21. Hey man, that really looks like a hatchet job!
22. When you are recovering from an injury, you would say that “I am back in axe-tion”
23. I kiss my axe every day, but nobody believes it and says it is disgusting.
24. The time for the peace conference has ended, now it is the time for axe-ing.
25. Please do not axe me, I do not know how to handle it.
26. It is a new axe for women!
27. I get terrified when my teacher says that “If you have any questions, feel free to axe me when the lecture is over.”
28. That is an axe – llent throw!
29. During a biology lesson, the teacher asks her student “What separates your head from your body? The student innocently answers “The axe!”
30. You should be very careful what you axe for this Christmas because you might just get it!
31. If you want to axe me about my knife – life, do not bother because I just get only hammered.
32. Do not be a pain in the axe.
34. A book is like an ice – axe that can break the frozen seas in our soul.
35. Do you know why the monster decides to purchase an axe? Because it wants to a-head in life!
36. Two soldiers in the army look at the battle and say “There are so many enemies! This is so axe-citing!”
37. George Washington admitting chopping down the cherry tree of his father. But why didn’t his father punish him? Because he still grabbed the axe in his hand.
38. I come home and find an axe buried in my personal computer. I suppose that it has been hacked by someone!
39. When I ask my student to put the word “schedule in a full sentence”. She gives me this “In the shed, you will find an axe.”
40. I have got an axe to grind with you!
41. Yesterday, I threw an axe at the car of my father and left a large dent in the door. Fortunately, he was not angry and said that “Do not worry son, it was just an axe – dent!”
42. I believe that the axe thrower loves that girl because he just misses her!
43. I have been spending 3 hours looking for my new axe, and suddenly it hits me.
44. Scientists think that the Sahara Desert was called the Sahara Forest in the ancient time because they have recently found out the archaeological evidence of ancient axes there.
More Axe Puns
- Random axe of kindness.
- It was an axe-ident.
- Axe-tually, I changed my mind.
- Dont’ be a pain in the axe.
- I’ll axe you one more time.
- I like your axe-cent.
- It’s time to go axe-rcise.
- That’s an axe-cellent idea.
- Sit back and rel-axe.
- Grab your potato s-axe. We’re racing.
- You met our axe-spectations.
- We’re back in axe-tion.
- It was an axe-periment.
- I spent a few hours looking for my axe. Then, it hit me.
- What kind of axe-tracurricular activities do you do?
- The party was axe-travagant.
- It was in-axe-plicable.
- You have quick refl-axes.
- I switched from glasses to cont-axe.
- That may have been a bit of an axe-aggeration.
- Always axe-press yourself.
- I’m axe-hausted.
- The sports car axe-elerated quickly.
- That was un-axe-ceptable
- I don’t have axe-ess.
- I’m shopping for axe-essories.
- He was in axe-ile.
- I started playing the s-axe-ophone.
- The views were axe-pansive.
- I’ll ask an axe-pert.
- What a wonderful axe-perience.
- I started stretching to become more fl-axe-ible.
- Let me axe-plain.
- That purse is axe-pensive.
- I’m going on an axe-pedition.
- The handle axe-tends out by a foot.
- Add vanilla axe-tract to the grocery list.
- The firecracker axe-ploded.
- We live in a dupl-axe now.
- Fl-axe seeds or chia seeds?
- You’re an axe-trovert.