Pig-ture perfect parenting
- According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
- What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
- What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
- Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
- If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Adulting for pigs is never boar-ing
- Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
- When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
- When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
- When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
- Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
- What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
- What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?”
- Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
- What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
- What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Leisure time for pigs
- What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
- How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
- Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
- What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
- Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Pig religion and culture
- What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
- What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
- What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
- What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
- What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Pig psychology
- Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
- What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
- What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
- How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
- What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
- Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Super Silly Pig Puns and Jokes
- Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
- I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
- What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
- Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
- How do pigs write top-secret messages?
With invisible oink!
- Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
- Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
- What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
- Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging the food.
- Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
- What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
- What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
- What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
- What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
- Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
- What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
- What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
- How does a young pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
- What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
- What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
- What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
- Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
- A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
- Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
- What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig.
- What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
- I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
- What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
- What do you call a pig that plays basketball?
A ball hog.
- What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
- Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
- What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
- What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
- Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
- A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
- What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
- What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
- Where do flying pigs go?
Hogwarts, of course!
- What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
- What is the most common Halloween outfit for a pig to dress up as?
Frankenswine.
- What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
- How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
- What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
- What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
- What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
- What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Pig… Pig who? Pig on someone your own size!
- What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
- In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
- Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
- How do pigs get to the hospital?
A hambulance.
- What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
- What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
- Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
- What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
- What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
- Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
- What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
- What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”