140+ Snake Puns & Jokes

Snake Puns And Jokes

  • Why don’t snakes drink coffee?

Because it makes them viperactive.

  • What do snakes use to clean their car windows?

Windscreen vipers.

  • What is a snake’s favorite TV show?

Monty Python.

  • What do you call a snake that builds things?

A boa constructor.

  • How do venomous snakes kill their prey?

In cold blood.

  • What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?

Addercadabra and abradacobra.

  • How does a snake shoot something?

With a boa and arrow.

  • What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?

Snakes and Larders.

  • What do you call a snake that bakes?

A pie-thon.

  • What do you call a funny snake?

Hissssssterical.

  • What do married snakes have on their bath towels?

“Hiss,” and “Herss.”

  • Why are snakes so hard to fool?

They have no legs to pull.

  • Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?

Because he wanted his diamondback.

  • Which snake is a member of a rock band?

A rattlesnake.

  • What do you give a sick snake?

Asp-rin.

  • How can you rescue a snake that looks dead?

With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.

140 snake puns jokes 5
  • What do you call a snake who works for the government?

A civil serpent.

  • What did the Mommy snake say to the Baby snake?

“Please stop crying and viper your nose.”

  • Why did the snake cross the road?

To get to the other ssssssssside.

  • Who is a snake’s favorite author?

William Snakespeare.

  • Why do snakes always measure in inches?

Because they don’t have feet.

  • What did the snake give her boyfriend?

A goodnight hiss.

  • What did the snake say to the loud children at the library?

“Ssssss.”

  • What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?

A Boeing constrictor.

  • What is another word for a python?

A mega-bite.

  • What do you call an important English snake?

Sir Pent.

  • Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang?

Because it will always come back to bite you.

  • What’s a snake’s favorite dance?

The snake, rattle, and roll.

  • What do snakes do when they get angry?

They throw hissy fits.

  • What is a snake’s favorite school subject?

Hisstory.

  • Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me.

So here I go again on my own.

  • A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff. Bah-dum-tiss.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake?

  • A jump rope.

Why can’t a snake rob a bank? Because they are unarmed.

  • A drum set and a snake falls off a cliff.

The drummer and pet shop owner are very sad now.

  • After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes. “Why are you still here?” he asked in surprise. “It’s safe now. Go forth! And multiply!” The snakes stared at him in confusion. “But… we’re adders.”
  • A jellyfish, a snake, and a snail walk into a bar.
RELATED:   150+ Dinosaur Puns & Jokes

The jellyfish says, “This is impossible.”

  • What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long?

A “Pi”-thon.

  • My girlfriend is a snake. Whenever you ask her whose fault was it, she goes “HISSSSSSSSSS.”
  • Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?”

Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope.”

140 snake puns jokes 4
  • I got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. I wouldn’t recognize it again, though. It was wearing a hood.
  • A Boy Scout asks his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader looks at it and says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him. The boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror. The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let’s get it right next time, boys.”
  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters.

  • What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa.

  • Why should you never weigh a snake?

They have their own scales.

  • What do you call a snake that’s shed its skin?

Snaked.

  • Why did Woody have to wear sneakers?

There was a snake in his boot.

  • What kind of car does a snake drive?

An ana-honda.

More Snake Puns

140 snake puns jokes 3
  1. You’re making hiss-tory.
  2. Let’s get snake-d.
  3. I’ll have a snake.
  4. A snake that knows math is a pi-thon.
  5. It’s time to cobra.
  6. Is this hers or hiss?
  7. Snakes can rap because they’re rap-tiles.
  8. Boa and arrow.
  9. If it’s raining, use your window vipers.
  10. I love my mamba.
  11. You look great with a boa-tie.
  12. Snake puns are hiss-terical.
  13. When you cross a plane and a snake, you get a Boeing constrictor.
  14. Sometimes, it’s a hit or hiss.
  15. Let’s go boa-ling.
  16. A goodnight hiss.
  17. Let’s do the Mamba.
  18. A snake’s favorite car is an ana-Honda.
  19. There are two birds that I like. An eagle anaconda-r.
  20. Snakes can weigh themselves because they have their own scales.
  21. An important English snake is known as Sir Pent.
  22. Snakes are viper-active.
  23. I’m Taipan instead of writing.
  24. It doesn’t hurt to Asp.
  25. It m-adders to me.
  26. Garter with all your might.
  27. She did it adder expense.
  28. She’s tough. Nothing will rattler.
  29. Snakes are measured in inches because they don’t have feet.
  30. Don’t throw a hissy fit.
  31. It asp to be this way.
  32. You can asp me for help anytime.
  33. Adder to the group.
  34. Give a sick snake Asp-irin.
  35. A snake walks into a bar. The bartender asked, “how did you do that?”
  36. Snakes aren’t scary because they’re armless.
  37. It was sealed with a hiss.
  38. You have a boa-ger sticking out of your nose.
  39. The snake wanted its diamondback.
  40. He looked at her with adder-ation.
  41. Asp for us, we’re going.
  42. Snakes are hard to trick because they don’t have legs to pull.
  43. A snake that bakes is a pie-thon.
  44. I love talking to hiss-torians.
  45. Don’t hiss me off.
  46. I’m boa-red.
  47. William Snakes-pheare.
RELATED:   145+ Shark Puns & Jokes

Hilarious Snake Puns & Jokes

140 snake puns jokes 2
  • What do you use to get paint off a snake?

Serpentine.

  • A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.

Looks like the boa cons tricked her.

  • Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?

Because it’ll come back to bite you.

  • What do you call a snake who works for the government?

A civil serpent.

  • What do you call a Mexican snake?

Hisssspanic.

  • What do you give a sick snake?

Asp-rin.

  • Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?

The adders.

  • How do venomous snakes kill their prey?

In cold blood.

  • What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?

Addercadabra and abradacobra.

  • Who is a snake’s favorite author?

William Snakespeare.

  • What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?

Snakes and Larders.

  • What do you call a funny snake?

Hissssssterical.

  • What is a snake’s favorite dance?

The Mamba.

  • What do married snakes have on their bath towels?

Hiss and Hers.

  • Why are snakes hard to fool?

They have no legs to pull.

  • How do you get yarn out of a snake?

Wait until it sheds its skein.

  • What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?

A Boeing constrictor.

  • What do snakes do when they get angry?

They throw hissy fits.

  • Why did the viper, viper nose?

Because the adder, adder hankerchief.

  • What do you call an important English snake?

Sir Pent.

  • What is a snake’s favorite TV show?

Monty Python.

  • What do snakes use to clean their car windows?

Windscreen vipers.

  • I was taking care of my friend’s snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.

I asked my wife, “What should I tell him?” She said, “Just give it to him straight.”

  • What do you call a snake that informs the police?

A grass snake.

  • How does a snake shoot something?

With a boa and arrow.

  • A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff…

Baa dum tssssss.

  • Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?

Because he wanted his diamondback.

  • Two snakes parted.

The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.

  • What type of snake does a baby play with?

A rattlesnake.

  • As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
  • Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
  • Who is a snake’s favorite actor?

Humphrey Boa-gart.

  • Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
RELATED:   100+ Deer Puns & Jokes

Because they had a crush on each other.

  • What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters.

  • What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?

A pythong.

  • What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?

Ex-hiss baggage.

  • Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?

The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.

  • Two snakes are on the lawn one day, when the first one asks the other, “Are we the kind of snake that bites our prey or do we crush them?”

The second snake replies, “We crush them. Why?”

  • The first snake says, “Thank God for that, I’ve just bitten my lip.”
  • A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink.“I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”“Why not?” asked the snake.

The bartender said, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”

  • What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa.

  • Why do snakes always measure in inches?

Because they don’t have any feet.

  • What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?

A feather boa.

  • What do you call a snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.

  • What medication does a snake with hay fever take?

An antihissstamine.

  • What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?

A boar constrictor.

  • What do snakes do after they have a fight?

Hiss and make up.

  • Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?

He sealed it with a hiss.

  • What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
  • Hisstory.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python.

  • Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know.

What’s long, green and goes hith?

  • A snake with a lisp.
  • What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?

A snake in the brass.

  • Why can’t you trust snakes?

They speak with forked tongues.

  • What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he’s finished.

  • Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

  • A old snake goes to see his doctor and says, ” I need something for my eyes… I can’t see very well these days”.The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks.The snake comes back in two weeks and tells the doctor he’s very  depressed.The doctor asks, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”The snake says, “The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”