Best Spider Puns and Jokes
- Why did the man return his new pair of spider silk trousers?
They looked great, but the fly kept getting stuck.
- What do you get when you cross a spider and an ear of corn?
Cobwebs.
- What do you call an undercover tarantula?
A spy-der.
- Why can’t spiders become pilots?
They only know how to tailspin.
- What part of a computer does a spider use?
The webcam.
- What do you call it when you have too many spiders in your house?
A no-fly zone.
- What does a spider inside your ear do?
Make your head spin!
- Why did the man go on a date with a spider?
His wife told him to take it out instead of killing it.
- Why did the man name the gigantic spider in his room Cotton Eye Joe?
Because he only had two questions for him: where did he come from, and where did he go?
- What do you call two spiders who just got married?
Newlywebs.
- What does the baby spider want to be when it grows up?
A web designer.
- What do you call it when a shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar?
Another typical day in Australia!
- What is it called when someone has an abnormal fear of spiders in raincoats?
Anorakaphobia.
- Why do spiders adapt so quickly to online learning?
They’re very comfortable on the web.
- How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn’t have a web; he has a website.
- What do you call a Canadian spider?
An arachnid-eh.
- “What’s good for spider bites?” a person asked the chemist.
To which the chemist replied, “An irate spider.”
- What did the spider wife say to the spider husband when he tried to explain coming home late?
“You’re spinning me a yarn here.”
- How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
- What do you call 100 spiders on a tire?
A spinning wheel.
- What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
- What do spiders eat?
I don’t know; why don’t you check on the web.
- Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who’s there? A spider.
- What’s the best way to deal with spiders in the office?
Hire them for web development.
- What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
“Darn it!”
- When can you see a spider but not kill it?
On its webcast.
- What do spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
- Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?
It’s called Shallot’s Web.
- What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I’m not sure. But if you see one walking across the ceiling, run before it collapses!
- Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spy-der.
- What do spiders like to do in their spare time?
Surf the web.
- Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin?
He’s a bad parallel Parker.
- What did the IT person say to the officer worker freaking out over a spider on their keyboard?
“Don’t worry; I’ve got it under ctrl.”
- What do you call a spider that can dance?
A jitterbug.
- What’s a spider’s favorite pastime?
Fly fishing.
- Where do spiders play football?
At Webley Stadium!
- A man asked his teenage daughter to get him a phone book.
She laughed at him, saying, “Oh, Dad… you’re so old. Just use my phone.” So, he slammed her phone against the wall to kill the spider.
- What’s red and creepy but also a little sweet?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly.
- How tall is a spider?
Eight feet.
- “What’s your biggest weakness?” asked the interviewer.
“Spiders,” replied the prospective employee. “Professional ones?” continued the interviewer. Said the prospective employee, “I don’t know; I’ve never seen one in a suit before.”
- Why do spiders like living in haunted houses?
Because ghosts can’t destroy their webs.
- Why are spiders like tops?
They’re constantly spinning.
- What did the spider say to the fly?
“Pleased to eat you!”
- Why do spiders spin webs?
Because they can’t knit.
- Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response-ability.
- What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?
A spider loves finding bugs in his web.
- What do you call a giant Irish spider?
Paddy long legs.
- Why did the spider kid get in trouble with his mom?
He was spending too much time on the web!
- Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin.
- What text emojis do spiders use when they’re happy?
::::D
- What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors.
- What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
- What do you get when you cross a tarantula and a rose?
I don’t know, but I wouldn’t try smelling it!
- How do spiders diagnose health issues?
Just like us — with WebMD.
- Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet.
- Why shouldn’t you go outside when it’s raining spiders?
You could get caught in a tarantula downpour.
- What do you get when you cross a spider with an eyeball?
A website!
- A father and son are leaving the house when the son accidentally steps on a spider.
“Oh, no!” said the son. “I feel so guilty!” To which the father replied, “It was an accident, son. It’s OK.” “I know,” said the boy, adding, “But you should have seen him — he looked genuinely crushed.”
- Did you hear about the spider love triangle?
It was a tangled web.
- What would happen if spiders were as humongous as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.
- Did you know Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?
It’s a pita parka.
- Why do spiders make clingy roommates?
They’re arachneedy.
- Why do spiders make bad drivers?
They always spin out!
- What’s another name for the Spider-Man trilogy?
A web series.
- A man is eating at a restaurant when he notices there’s a spider in his soup. He calls over the waiter and complains.
“I’m deeply sorry, sir,” the waiter replies. “But the fly asked to take the day off!”
- Did you know there is a species of spider that can jump higher than a building?
This is due to its eight powerful legs — and the fact buildings can’t jump.
- My son wanted to get a pet spider from the pet shop, but they are really expensive.
I got a real cheap one off the web instead.
- My little sister is so afraid of spiders she leaves the house until I get rid of them.
I’ve been living alone and peacefully for six hours now.
More Spider Jokes
- What does Spiderman do on his day off? He surfs the world wide web!
- What does a spider do when he feels sick? He looks up his symptoms on WebMD.
- What do you call two recently married spiders? Newlywebs!
- How could the big tarantula find his partner online? He spider on the world wide web!
- What do you call a hundred spiders on a tyre? A spinning wheel!
- What’s red and dangerous? Strawberry and tarantula jelly!
- What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer? A spider loves finding bugs in his web!
- Why did the spider kid get told off by his mum? Because he was spending too much time on the web!
- What are spider webs good for? Haunted houses!
- What do you get when you cross a tarantula and a tiger? I don’t know, but I don’t want to stick around to find out!
- What do you call an undercover arachnid? A spy-der!
- What would happen if spiders were as large as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
- Why are spiders bad at driving? Because they always spin out!
- What does a spider do inside your ear? It makes your head spin!
- I just bought a new pair of trousers made from spider silk. They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
- A spider just crawled onto my keyboard. Don’t worry, it’s under ctrl.
- My friend asked me to tell her some great spider jokes. I told her to look them up on the web.
- A spider just got called up to the England cricket team. I’ve heard he’s a great spinner!
- I saw a gigantic spider in my room earlier. I named him Cotton Eye Joe, because I only wanted to know two things; where did he come from, and where did he go?
- I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don’t care how big the spider is, nobody steals my shoes!
- A shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar. Another normal day in Australia!
- A couple of my friends have opened their door and been slapped by a loud, obnoxious spider. Looks like there’s a nasty bug going around!
- I felt so guilty after I stepped on a spider this morning. You should’ve seen him; he looked crushed.
- I tried killing a spider with hairspray. It may still be alive, but its hair looks amazing.
- I asked my friend if he knew what spiders ate. He didn’t know, and told me to go look it up on the web.
- Finding a spider at home isn’t the scary part. The scary part is when it’s gone!
- I killed a spider with a pair of flip-flops. He looked so silly; they were way too big for him!
- I told my teenage daughter to go get me an encyclopedia. She just laughed at me and said, “You’re so old Dad, just use my phone instead.” So I threw her phone against the wall to kill the spider!
- A young boy asked his dad for a pet spider for his birthday. The dad went to the pet shop to find out more about the creepy crawlies.
- “How much do one of these cost?” he asked, pointing to the glass box full of arachnids. “About 50 pounds,” said the pet shop clerk. 50 pounds!” the dad said, “Never mind. I’ll just find a cheap one on the web.”
- Why did the spider only put one leg out of her bed? She wanted to start the day off on the right foot!
- What’s the difference between a computer programmer and a spider? Spiders like bugs on the web!
- What do you call a spider who can steal your data? A web hacker!
- Did you hear about the spider who ate the fly? He was a real buzz kill!
- The spider couple were so in love… They went around arm in arm in arm in arm in arm!
- Did you hear about the spiders who got married? It was a beautiful webbing
- How tall are spiders? Eight feet!
- Did you hear about the spider who was always lying? He loved spinning a yarn!
- What’s black and red and sticky all over? A spider in strawberry jam!
- What do you call two spider who just got married? Newlywebs!
- What did the spider do when he got a new car? Took it out for a spin!
- What happened when the spider got mad? He went up the wall!
- Which spider is best at digging? A spader!
- Why are spiders so good at swimming? Because they have webbed feet!
- Where do spiders hang out? On the web!
- What’s the best job for a spider? A web designer!
- What do you call an undercover spider? A spy, duh!
- What did the mummy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web!